Why is planning my wedding so stressful? Nobody told me that I would feel overwhelmed by wedding planning. And what if your fiancé won’t help plan the wedding. Know… you are not alone! Read on for some great tips!
Recognize the difficult moments
Preparing for your wedding is a beautiful time right? That’s right! But it also has difficult and challenging sides. I speak to enough bridal couples who experience a lot of stress during this “beautiful time” and feel guilty about it: because your engagement time is a time that we should enjoy!
Just like “being pregnant” MUST be the best time of your life. Everyone talks about the beautiful moments, the GLOW and the wonder of a new life. But you don’t often hear about the difficult sides, the worries you have, the physical discomfort and sometimes also the intense sadness.
But do we subconsciously create an environment in which we think that this period in your life should only be BEAUTIFUL? But because we only assume the positive, a negative experience can suddenly be very intense. You know that, someone who is always nice and lenient and suddenly sets boundaries? Then everyone is also shocked because it is not expected. Maybe planning your wedding is the same…
When you suddenly experience the negative side of planning as a bridal couple… it can be very intense… Because this should be fun, right?
Today I want to be open and honest with you and share with you some scenarios and things that you may encounter that make your wedding planning less fun.
Before I continue, I want to say that it’s ok and normal if you recognize yourself in any of the points below. Sometimes even with the help of a wedding planner, couples sometimes experience a certain form of stress. And that’s okay. Because it is a big and important event, getting married. And you can feel something about that.
Anyway, the points why you can experience stress while planning:
1. You doubt your relationship
When you’re planning the wedding, it can feel like you’re looking at your relationship through a magnifying glass. Maybe the pressure magnifies everything you don’t like about your partner. You now notice that he always leaves the toilet seat up, or that he leaves his dirty socks everywhere.
This may be because you are nervous about the “commitment” of a marriage. Or that, for example, by working on the wedding, the focus has shifted a bit from working on the relationship.
Often these feelings are normal and part of it, but don’t hide these feelings and allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling for a moment and discuss your feelings with your partner.
Tips for dealing with this:
Make a This is why I love you list
Do you know the song Why I Love you by Major? The favorite song of my bridal couples in 2020 ;). Sometimes in a relationship it’s easy to say what you don’t like about someone else and it’s easy to let them know what annoys you about them. Take the time to make a “This is why I love you list” and write down again why you love and love your partner so much
Fill your partner’s love tank
Sometimes it may be that your love tank is empty for a while due to the issues of the day. Our family with a toddler and preschooler can sometimes feel like “work”. In the morning rush hour, the tasks are divided and we work together in a streamlined way to get everyone out the door ;). And sometimes it can feel like you are becoming colleagues. And that might as well happen while planning your wedding.
The book The 5 Love Languages is highly recommended. It speaks of how we as individuals experience love in different ways: quality time, physical touch, gifts, uplifting words, and showing service. According to the book, the key is to start actively speaking your partner’s language to fill his/her love tank. Because, with a full tank you can also give more love.
Spend more time together
Take a break from planning and take the pressure off.
It could also be that the pressure cooker of the wedding brings up real issues in the relationship. Then dare to press the pause button and take the time to work on your relationship, whether or not under the guidance of professional help.
Red flags in the relationship? Seek professional help.
2. You experience a lot of pressure from the people around you
Pressure from the people around you (parents, relatives, friends) can also be a factor that makes you dislike planning. Especially when the pressure comes with a sense of respect and that’s how it should be in the family.
Your wedding, your rules.. That’s true.. but in practice it is sometimes quite complicated, especially for the colorful bride.
Although you can take the wishes of your mother and parents in law into account. If these wishes turn into demands this can give extra pressure.
That the wishes and expectations and sometimes even demands of others take over the wedding planning, cause a lot of stress and also take the joy out of the wedding planning.
There are different ways to deal with this. You can choose to accept the pressure and meet the expectations of others… but how happy does it really make you? You can choose a middle ground or you can resist it. How you deal with it in the end is your choice. I’m not here to judge, the following tips may help.
But what can you do if you experience pressure?
Say what you feel!
Sometimes it happens unconsciously, make it negotiable. Discuss it with your partner. For example, do you experience a lot of pressure from your parents/parents-in-law? For example, organize a meeting with everyone in which you explain all the plans. Parents often want to be involved and want the best for you. By planning such a meeting, you can involve them, but you still retain control.
Team up with your partner and form one front!
It is so important to remember that you & your partner are a team together. Maybe he wants to please his parents and is afraid of hurting them or vice versa.
It is important to realize that if all goes well you will spend a whole life together in one bed… and it is really nice to go to sleep in peace. At some point you have to choose and someone may get disappointed, but it’s nice if you’re on the same page and happy with how everything is going.
Overwhelmed by wedding planning? Set clear boundaries!
Bottling everything up and just going on, will play tricks on you at some point.
And there are many ways to say no, in a very nice and respectful way:
Thanks for the tip, we chose something else
How nice of you to think along, we do it differently
Thank you for the offer, we are already provided.
or just, no thanks!
Ultimately, it’s about love. If, as a bridal couple, you decide to meet expectations or go your own way. The love that is there for each other is stronger!
Are you overwhelmed by wedding planning or do you have some tips to share? Feel free to comment below!