A lot of brides experience overwhelm. It’s worse when your fiancé won’t help plan the wedding. Maybe you experience a lot of stress because people around you tell you that you are a bridezilla. But you feel no support from your partner.
Honestly, I don’t really believe in bridezillas, I believe in women who are under a lot of pressure to organize a “perfect day” and want to do it very well. Assuming you treat the people around you with respect, I also believe that you can have a strong opinion, after all, it’s your wedding!
The stress can also be caused because you do not experience support from your partner. I also say experience, because maybe the support is there, but you don’t feel it enough.
Make it negotiable and indicate how you feel divide tasks
For example, it may be the case that your partner really cannot do anything about the wedding planning due to work or circumstances (for example, the man works many hours per job or is periodically away on a ship / drilling platform) etc. and the actual planning ends up on you.
Then it is good to gather a team around you and still schedule updates with your partner. Even if it’s just 20 minutes, this way you can get rid of your doubts and frustration and get on with it.
And we are so quick to stick a label, especially a strong woman who has her opinion ready and who dares to say what she wants / doesn’t want. Do not let them get to you! You’re not Bridezilla, you just know what you want!
You are a strong woman
With a strong opinion
You know how you want things
That’s good.. because it’s your wedding
And you pay good money for it
You do not have to apologize.
You experience performance anxiety
Your wedding is a party, not a performance. You don’t have to prove anything. The wedding is a celebration of your love. You marry the person you love the most and that is the greatest gift! Let that sink in.
Planning your wedding is very emotionally triggering
This is a tough one that I really see coming back a lot. Because often emotional things come up at a wedding that play in your relationship, in yourself as a person or as a family. For example, jealousy between siblings, insecurity about your appearance / weight.. but also, for example, a parent who is not at the wedding because he / she passed away or something else.
You may have felt like you were over the pain long ago, but the wedding will make it seem like you have to deal with it all over again.
Take the time to feel all the feels
The fact that you’re running into this pain doesn’t necessarily mean you didn’t process it in the first place. It may be that now is the time to process it on a deeper level. Give yourself (or your partner) the time and space to go through this. The wedding is not going away.
Don’t feel obligated to do anything.
For example, when a parent dies, you can feel that you have to create a certain place for that person (for example, through a photo, a sign, special flowers), but you then notice that it only backfires and you are therefore stuck walks and experiences more and more stress and also becomes increasingly sad.
It’s ok to let go of that sense of SHOULD and just miss the person on the day without giving any notice.
Stay close to yourself and to your partner.
You know very well what you need. Go through it your way, pace and time. This is your process.
You didn’t expect so much work
I like this one! Maybe you started planning your wedding feeling like, “So, let’s get this job done… After all, a wedding is just arranging a big birthday, isn’t it?” But do you come home from a cold fair and are you completely overwhelmed with what you have to do and arrange. Maybe you feel your fiance is not
A wedding is a succession of small important details, often all elements and personalized are super valuable for the bridal couple. At a wedding you often use a large part of your savings and it is a once in a lifetime event! Which can sometimes cause the tension, stress to rise enormously.
Before I continue, let me tell you this: You’ve got this! You can do this. One of my favorite quotes is “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at the time!” Sometimes something seems like a super big project, but when you break it down into small pieces it suddenly turns out to be not too bad.
When your fiancé won’t help plan the wedding
Ask for help if you feel your fiancé won’t help plan the wedding.
Your family and friends, a wedding planner… you don’t have to do it all alone.
Break the task at hand into chunks.
Write an actionable checklist. So don’t just write “wedding work” (the elephant) in your agenda, but break it down into action-oriented tasks such as: “Make guest list”, “Order wedding favors”, “Read and confirm the quote from the venue”. Listen for tips to a wedding planning podcast you are not alone!
Schedule rest and increase self-care
Let go of the wedding, so you can look at it with fresh eyes later.
I hope you feel encouraged to talk about the unpopular and stressful side of scheduling and know that these feelings are normal and not crazy. It’s okay to feel all the feels…
Again my favorite quote to encourage you: “How do you eat an elephant? Just one bite at the time!” Don’t get discouraged, and don’t get overwhelmed.
You’ve got this!